Saturday, June 13, 2009


I used to be a confident individual. That was before the reality of people sunk in. Certain situations that I got myself into, and out of took their toll. In most situations, my confidence has soared, and so has my level of commitment to my work, while my personal confidence took a nose dive.

While I was winning praise
for my work, I was always second guessing my personal choices. I did what other people wanted to do, all the while, ignoring what I really wanted to do. I chalked all of this up to me being selfish, and just stopped being me.

That ended, and I started to see a glimpse of the old me. No longer burdened by another's decisions, I started making them on my own again. However, old habits die hard, and I was surprised how quickly I fell back into a submissive personality. "I don't care" became the answer to everything. Did I really care? Hell yeah! I'm a pretty head strong person that doesn't like to take other people's bull shit, but in certain instances I found myself backing down.

Also, I am not one of those people who can read whether someone is being sarcastic/joking, or if they are being serious. This is something that I tell people that I interact with on a regular basis early on, so as not to cause a misunderstanding later. Those misunderstanding do occur and I am never sure how to react. This is very exhausting at work, and at home, always. I find myself lacking the confidence in the areas that I know I am good at.

I believe that once one's confidence has been shattered, it can be pieced back together, however, it will never be as solid as it was originally. I am reminded of this fault I now carry on a regular basis, hoping that I am not shattering anyone's confidence in the meantime.


Brittany said...

Julie, I hope that you can build confidence a hundred-fold what it used to be because now you know the fault lines!

Julie said...

That is such great advice Brittany!

Buddhist_philosopher said...

hear hear! I feel like we've been through some similar territory as far as our confidence being busted up. My advice would be to find distance - find some time alone to reconnect with your creative energies, the things that REALLY inspire you and drive you in life.

Missoula can actually be bad for that, as there is always something exciting to do. But resist it.

For me, reconnecting with my studies and joys in life has helped immensely in rising above confidence-busters in my past.

Julie said...

Justin- you and I seem to be on the same page about needing to resist temptation and reconnect with or creating side.

My only concern now is, what if nothing inspires me?

Buddhist_philosopher said...

If nothing inspires you, you need to expand your silence, shed even more distractions and let your mind open. It will happen.