Confidence

I used to be a confident individual. That was before the reality of people sunk in. Certain situations that I got myself into, and out of took their toll. In most situations, my confidence has soared, and so has my level of commitment to my work, while my personal confidence took a nose dive.

While I was winning praise for my work, I was always second guessing my personal choices. I did what other people wanted to do, all the while, ignoring what I really wanted to do. I chalked all of this up to me being selfish, and just stopped being me.

That ended, and I started to see a glimpse of the old me. No longer burdened by another's decisions, I started making them on my own again. However, old habits die hard, and I was surprised how quickly I fell back into a submissive personality. "I don't care" became the answer to everything. Did I really care? Hell yeah! I'm a pretty head strong person that doesn't like to take other people's bull shit, but in certain instances I found myself backing down.

Also, I am not one of those people who can read whether someone is being sarcastic/joking, or if they are being serious. This is something that I tell people that I interact with on a regular basis early on, so as not to cause a misunderstanding later. Those misunderstanding do occur and I am never sure how to react. This is very exhausting at work, and at home, always. I find myself lacking the confidence in the areas that I know I am good at.

I believe that once one's confidence has been shattered, it can be pieced back together, however, it will never be as solid as it was originally. I am reminded of this fault I now carry on a regular basis, hoping that I am not shattering anyone's confidence in the meantime.