Monday, December 7, 2009

Real life

I can't believe it's been a month since my last 'real life' post. I've been so busy editing photos and writing about my trip that I haven't had time reflect on what's been going on lately.

The most noteworthy thing is, I have accepted an offer on my house back in Iowa. My ex and I decided to change realtors in October, and signed with a new company 3 1/2 years to the date after we put an offer on it, and exactly 18 months to the date that we put it on the market. That was October 26; we had our first and only offer on November 10, while I was in Italy. There are a lot of emotions associated with this, first being relief, then sadness, and then anger. Relief because I will no longer be paying what equates to two rent payments per month. With this relief also comes a sense of freedom. I am no longer tied to something that caused me so much excitement, only to end in sadness and frustration. I now feel that I will be able to travel more (now that the bug has bitten me), save more for my future, and pursue other interests. The sadness is because I really, really loved my house. As soon as we saw it in the Spring of 2006, I could already see a family there, my family. Things don't always work out the way you plan, and in many ways, that is also a relief. Anger is a horrible emotion, but one that is also tied to this house, so in that way, I am also glad to be done with it. Having tried to tell myself that I am not angry with my ex for what he did, I still am.
I am angry with myself, for not seeing what was really going on, for not making better choices. I guess it is better to acknowledge something than to deny it.

What better time of the year is there to have a feeling of closure, to be able to settle into the life that I am already living without the distraction of my baggage? A time for renewal, and forgiveness.

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